Everyone is leary of another kind of person or profession. All lawyers are scummy and untrustworthy. All devout and pious individuals will try to “save your soul.” All reporters only look out for number one and when the story is done so is their interest in you.

Usually this opinion you hold is based on one specific event that affected you. Then, the  next time a similar situation occurs, your feelings are augmented 10 fold, only fortifying your conviction. This makes sense. But it’s also dangerously limiting, because we often become so blinded by our belief that we fail to see the actuality of a situation.

I know. As someone in PR who’s a blond female and a jock, well I’ve got my work cut out for me, don’t I? More or less, I’m an airhead spin-doctor. Haha. Or at least that’s what someone might think without knowing me or my track record and realizing that I’m often too honest and smart for my own good.

In NLP, we use time line therapy to break down barriers of the past and allow for personal growth.

Take a look at your own stereotypes about a certain kind of person or profession. Are these helping you in anyway or are they limiting how you can connect on a deeper level with a potential client or business partner or friend? Could you take down your animosity for one second to re-evaluate that person? What benefits could you both see from doing so?

(Image source: www.21countries.com)

I’m not sure what it is, but often times when I meet a new person, whether for business or personal, the other party often tends to get carried away in a massive devulge of personal information. Perhaps it’s because they feel comfortable with me? Maybe it’s that sign on my forehead that says, “Please, tell me your life story in the next 10 minutes.” I don’t know.

But I, like other people out there being talked at, find this somewhat frustrating because when I leave the conversation, I’m left wondering what exactly I added and what  I got out of it. As I don’t run my mouth endlessly, I find comfort in listening to others. Really, I do! I find it interesting and insightful…most of the time. It’s when I’m unable to respond or feel that judo kicking the other person  to get a second to interject that I feel as though the conversation takes on more of a work attitude rather than a fun conversation. (And mind you, I like all my conversations, work or personal, to be fun.)

I don’t know about you, but I get tired. Literally. I feel my eyes start to droop, my mind starts spinning to whether or not I should get my dog fixed instead of what I really want to be doing, which is listening. But after an hour (or four, I’m just saying) of someone blabbering away, without pause,  (you wouldn’t believe how often this happens to me and I’m too nice to walk away or hang up…although it does cross my mind), I feel like just a pile of mush. And THEN, when they call or want to meet again, I’m disinclined. Wouldn’t you feel the same way?

This recent onslaught of OVER TALKERS with which I’m faced  regularly left me wondering how business professionals can really create beneficial relationships if they aren’t connecting. I recently introduced two people, who I thought would have a nice working relationship. However, one came back to me and said, “Jaylyn, I can’t work with him! I really appreciate your help, but it’s not going to work.” When I asked why, I learned that the other individual spent three hours talking to the other person, without even so much as a question about my good friend! I was appalled and embarrased that I’d even suggested the pairing.

Take a second and look at how you converse with others. Are you hogging the conversation? When you walk away, can you name three things the other person said? If not, it might be time to talk less and listen more. You wouldn’t believe how people will open up to you when they know you’re listening!

Tonight, I’m attending a posh, invite-only networking event and have to say…normally, I wouldn’t look forward to it. Though I’m outgoing and naturally a conversational person, I find it terribly awkward to be shoved into a room with other individuals, unsure about what to talk. That’s like an uncomfortable first date without a movie or dinner to add some sort of distraction. You’re just…standing there…looking at the other person, hoping they’re as interesting as you hope you are.

Ok, to be honest, when I started this post, I really wasn’t even looking forward to it. But then I remembered something. It’s all about your attitude.

Now, some of us may find it hard to downshift from anxious to calm in one swift move; that’s like going from fourth to first. Truly, though, it can be difficult to try and talk yourself confident—repeating affirmation after affirmation, feeling like SNL’s Richard Smally, not quite believing it but not wanting to give up. I have nothing against visualization and affirmation techniques, quite the contrary. However, for instantaneous transformations, they don’t always work.

What does is repositioning your physiology—your body language.

Take a second and try this.

Stand up and walk around the room, head down, shoulders slouched, staring at the floor. While you’re doing this, imagine thinking about a ballplayer, who just struck out in the world series and now the game is over. How do you feel? Besides silly for trying it, you most likely felt a sensation of sadness, slight depression, or frustration.

Now, take a deep breath and throw your shoulders back, lift your head, smile, and think of yourself entering a castle, where upon your entrance everyone bows or cheers. What’s the difference? Ninety-nine percent of responses will reveal feeling confident, powerful, happy, limitless, and so on.

Just by shifting your shoulders and head and imaging a person whom you want to emulate can make all the difference in how we see the world. AND how others see us! Which perspective will you chose to have today?

(Image source: www.dantudor.com)

Yes, it seems unlikely, when you look at this sweet face, but trust me, my gigantic puppy is a monster in his own right. Trying to communicate with him is one of the most difficult and seemingly futile tasks that I encounter on a daily basis. After bringing Bodhi home, we learned that Swissys (short for Swiss Mountain Dogs) are a difficult to train, especially for first-time dog owners, because the breed tends to a mind of its own. Having grown up with dogs, this isn’t as much of problem for me, as it is for my boyfriend, however, who continues to struggle with this daily (he’s not a dog person).

Watching the two is quite comical, and a good lesson, because Chad talks to the monster as though he’s a friend: a rational human being, who relays information in a similar manner, style, and language. Yet, if you’ve ever tried to have a logical, rational conversation with an animal, in your language, you know it’s a lost cause. Basically, you’re coming from two different worlds with two different communication styles and models.

Though I don’t look at my customers in comparison to dogs or animals in any way, watching the two different species trying to communicate in my living room did raise some good points about how we communicate with others. Maybe it’s not always as trying as bridging the lines between man and monster, but there are moments when it seems like the message is just not getting through to the other person. The following are a few points of PR Zen brought to you by my recent experiences with the Bodhi monster, who, by the way, is currently eating my research notes:

• Observe before you can understand – Some of the best dog trainers in the world, before developing their specific techniques, spent an inordinate amount of time studying how the animals communicate with each other. Similarly, taking the time to observe your audience and discover the fine intricacies of their idiosyncratic styles can lay the foundation for open lines of communication. Without them, well, it’s like arguing with Bodhi in our language—a lot of screaming and hollering only to have him continue on as though we’d never said anything.

• Approach with a kind heart and a willingness to learn – Somehow, some way, animals can sense your moods and demeanor. Fear, anger, sadness. It all gets through. Without this openness, you’ll be more closed off to really understanding the other party.

• Position your message from a place of their understanding, not yours – Chad has trouble with Bodes because he tries to talk to him from a place of Chad’s understanding. Once our trainer came in and instructed us about how a dog processes information, we could see how by just doing something so slight as changing our postures resulted in a dramatic change in how Bodhi responds. When you attempt to forge a conversation based on the other person’s perimeters, you’ll discover an amazing thing…real conversation. Real responses. Real results.

• Understand that persistence and patience are not only valuable, they are key – It took a long time to get the monster to leave a treat on the floor without eating it. But we were persistent and patient…well, most of the time. Now, he will leave it 75 percent of the time (hey, we’re still working on it).

In NLP, eye patterns help us to determine how a person processes information, i.e., auditorially, visually, or kinesthetically. How one responds to questions is a sure give away to their dominate style. In this video, watch as the subject reveals her communication preferences.

I often stress with clients the importance of learning how to read others’ eye patterns to build better rapport. This is a great technique for understanding how you can phrase your wording and present your material to achieve the best results possible.

What do Aesop, Shakespeare, and Dr. Seuss have in common? Yes, of course, they’re writers. What’s beyond that?

In short, they command attention. Now, you may pull the covers up a little higher after the second line of iambic pentameter. Of course, this is understandable, because Shakespeare’s not for everyone. But eternal glorification and permanence in our canon obviously means he did something right. He, along with his previously mentioned colleagues, pulls us in with mesmerizing words, characters, and plots that harness minds.

Why do you care?

This should matter to you because the techniques of the sages are what you can use to etch your place in your industry. The use of storytelling has been an inherent element in every culture, not only to entertain, but to teach and retain autonomy and character of the people. Take a lesson from history.
Whether on your website and brochure, or interviews and articles, you can capture your audience’s attention with a story carefully designed to impart the chosen information. Look at your marketing and PR material at little more closely today. Where is the story in your information? What is unique about you, your product, or services? What will people remember?

Do you really know your customers? Really?

Sure, you may know that Tom Brime goes golfing whenever it’s 70 degrees and sunny. Susan Peters prefers vegan food, although she will drink milk, occasionally, with chocolate cake. When TNT runs a Bond marathon, you know that if you want to find Mike Wheeling, he’ll be on his couch with the phone turned off.

Yes, these details say a lot about your clients’ personalities and preferences. Any good salesperson would be sure to remember these idiosyncrasies, as personal relationships have always, are, and always will be the basis for closing a sale and retaining customers. It’s been said millions of times: People do business with those they like.

However, do you know their communication and learning styles? What is their VAK (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) preference? For example, if Susan is more visually oriented, when you go to meetings, she is going to want to see charts, graphs, pictures, and the material in front of her at which to look. If you spout off statistics and other data, without something for her to see, most likely her head will be spinning. (I know, as I pull towards visual.)

Additionally, this also affects how you should phrase your words. Since Susan likes to see things, demonstrating your comprehension of what she’s just said as “I hear you,” will leave her feeling uneasy. Yeas, that means the same thing as “I see what you mean,” but neurologically speaking, she doesn’t process the information the same. Susan might feel as though she as to continue to explain her point. This will result in everyone being frustrated.

Avoid this confusion by figuring out in which spectrum your customers fall. Then, make sure to keep this in mind when conversing with them, either in person, or by email. I like to have a reference file on each person with whom I work (especially if I don’t know them as well), which describes each person and their preferences. This way I tailor my communication styles and develop better rapport overall.

(Pic from www.qfdi.org)

Here are some things you may or may not know about Harley Davidson:

• The company provided about 15,000 machines to the military forces during World War I, the first time motorcycles had been used for military efforts

• After the Great Depression, Harley Davidson was one of only two motorcycle manufacturers left standing. Indian being the other.

• The company suffered a public relations blow in the 1950s when Hollywood movies chastised bikers and created a negative image about the hobby and lifestyle.

• To counter the explosion of Japanese-made machines in the 1980s, the company began highlighting the retro look of their older machines.

There are a million other interesting facts about Harley Davidson that have resulted in the classic, sleek designs you see riding down the highway. Literally, every part, from the throttle to the amount of CCs each engine, has a story, a track record, a history.

Such a rich background has created a unique positioning of the brand in people’s minds. Starting at just after the turn of the 20th century, Harley Davidson had developed and prospered in correlation with the United States. As such, they have become a symbol of our country’s continued growth and serve as a testament to our enduring strength and fortitude, despite being faced with difficult situations.

Ok, for some that might be an over glorified illustration of the company. But the purpose here is to show that highlighting your company’s story not only adds depth, it adds character, likability, and allows your customers to take part in something greater than themselves and your organization.

(Image Source: Bikers Blog)

Recently, there has been an onslaught of blog posts covering the importance of rapport, but not so many defining what it’s not. The term seems so hypnotic that anyone can use it and automatically define themselves as a person entering relationships with integrity. You and I both know this isn’t true.

What does it mean to have rapport with someone? Does it mean that you develop a relationship based on falsehoods? If someone never realizes that you’ve conned them into believing this façade, is that rapport?

Whether in business or daily lives, we are confronted by fake individuals. You know the kind; they pose as one thing when they really are another. The motive is not so much a concern for this argument, but the results can be detrimental. This is especially true when it’s an individual in your industry or circle, because, ultimately, you are associated with this person, either by profession or acquaintances. (How many PR professionals out there have been branded spin doctors, when their whole practice has been honest and value-driven? HINT: If you’re in PR, raise your hand.)

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this situation recently with someone claiming to be a seasoned professional, but yet having no background or training, save the few books and blogs he’s read. In the relationships in which he engages, he speaks of his “lengthy” experience, deceiving the targeted clients. Later, in other circles, he claims to have “solid rapport” with these poor victims. How is that rapport?
It’s not!

If you’re coming to the conversation with, not just an ace, but a deck in the hole, you’re not only cheating those misguided souls who trust you. You’re cheating yourself.

In NLP, we discuss opening honest and reciprocal lines of communication to yield rapport. Basing the conversation on falsehoods only jeopardizes your legitimacy in the long run and can be very damaging, financially and mentally, for those subjected to this kind of abuse. When seeking to build relationships with others, start from a place of honesty and commitment to values. The moment a client realizes the lie, you’re entire investment will be destroyed.