Everyone is leary of another kind of person or profession. All lawyers are scummy and untrustworthy. All devout and pious individuals will try to “save your soul.” All reporters only look out for number one and when the story is done so is their interest in you.

Usually this opinion you hold is based on one specific event that affected you. Then, the  next time a similar situation occurs, your feelings are augmented 10 fold, only fortifying your conviction. This makes sense. But it’s also dangerously limiting, because we often become so blinded by our belief that we fail to see the actuality of a situation.

I know. As someone in PR who’s a blond female and a jock, well I’ve got my work cut out for me, don’t I? More or less, I’m an airhead spin-doctor. Haha. Or at least that’s what someone might think without knowing me or my track record and realizing that I’m often too honest and smart for my own good.

In NLP, we use time line therapy to break down barriers of the past and allow for personal growth.

Take a look at your own stereotypes about a certain kind of person or profession. Are these helping you in anyway or are they limiting how you can connect on a deeper level with a potential client or business partner or friend? Could you take down your animosity for one second to re-evaluate that person? What benefits could you both see from doing so?

(Image source: www.21countries.com)

Yes, it seems unlikely, when you look at this sweet face, but trust me, my gigantic puppy is a monster in his own right. Trying to communicate with him is one of the most difficult and seemingly futile tasks that I encounter on a daily basis. After bringing Bodhi home, we learned that Swissys (short for Swiss Mountain Dogs) are a difficult to train, especially for first-time dog owners, because the breed tends to a mind of its own. Having grown up with dogs, this isn’t as much of problem for me, as it is for my boyfriend, however, who continues to struggle with this daily (he’s not a dog person).

Watching the two is quite comical, and a good lesson, because Chad talks to the monster as though he’s a friend: a rational human being, who relays information in a similar manner, style, and language. Yet, if you’ve ever tried to have a logical, rational conversation with an animal, in your language, you know it’s a lost cause. Basically, you’re coming from two different worlds with two different communication styles and models.

Though I don’t look at my customers in comparison to dogs or animals in any way, watching the two different species trying to communicate in my living room did raise some good points about how we communicate with others. Maybe it’s not always as trying as bridging the lines between man and monster, but there are moments when it seems like the message is just not getting through to the other person. The following are a few points of PR Zen brought to you by my recent experiences with the Bodhi monster, who, by the way, is currently eating my research notes:

• Observe before you can understand – Some of the best dog trainers in the world, before developing their specific techniques, spent an inordinate amount of time studying how the animals communicate with each other. Similarly, taking the time to observe your audience and discover the fine intricacies of their idiosyncratic styles can lay the foundation for open lines of communication. Without them, well, it’s like arguing with Bodhi in our language—a lot of screaming and hollering only to have him continue on as though we’d never said anything.

• Approach with a kind heart and a willingness to learn – Somehow, some way, animals can sense your moods and demeanor. Fear, anger, sadness. It all gets through. Without this openness, you’ll be more closed off to really understanding the other party.

• Position your message from a place of their understanding, not yours – Chad has trouble with Bodes because he tries to talk to him from a place of Chad’s understanding. Once our trainer came in and instructed us about how a dog processes information, we could see how by just doing something so slight as changing our postures resulted in a dramatic change in how Bodhi responds. When you attempt to forge a conversation based on the other person’s perimeters, you’ll discover an amazing thing…real conversation. Real responses. Real results.

• Understand that persistence and patience are not only valuable, they are key – It took a long time to get the monster to leave a treat on the floor without eating it. But we were persistent and patient…well, most of the time. Now, he will leave it 75 percent of the time (hey, we’re still working on it).

In NLP, eye patterns help us to determine how a person processes information, i.e., auditorially, visually, or kinesthetically. How one responds to questions is a sure give away to their dominate style. In this video, watch as the subject reveals her communication preferences.

I often stress with clients the importance of learning how to read others’ eye patterns to build better rapport. This is a great technique for understanding how you can phrase your wording and present your material to achieve the best results possible.

What do Aesop, Shakespeare, and Dr. Seuss have in common? Yes, of course, they’re writers. What’s beyond that?

In short, they command attention. Now, you may pull the covers up a little higher after the second line of iambic pentameter. Of course, this is understandable, because Shakespeare’s not for everyone. But eternal glorification and permanence in our canon obviously means he did something right. He, along with his previously mentioned colleagues, pulls us in with mesmerizing words, characters, and plots that harness minds.

Why do you care?

This should matter to you because the techniques of the sages are what you can use to etch your place in your industry. The use of storytelling has been an inherent element in every culture, not only to entertain, but to teach and retain autonomy and character of the people. Take a lesson from history.
Whether on your website and brochure, or interviews and articles, you can capture your audience’s attention with a story carefully designed to impart the chosen information. Look at your marketing and PR material at little more closely today. Where is the story in your information? What is unique about you, your product, or services? What will people remember?

Do you really know your customers? Really?

Sure, you may know that Tom Brime goes golfing whenever it’s 70 degrees and sunny. Susan Peters prefers vegan food, although she will drink milk, occasionally, with chocolate cake. When TNT runs a Bond marathon, you know that if you want to find Mike Wheeling, he’ll be on his couch with the phone turned off.

Yes, these details say a lot about your clients’ personalities and preferences. Any good salesperson would be sure to remember these idiosyncrasies, as personal relationships have always, are, and always will be the basis for closing a sale and retaining customers. It’s been said millions of times: People do business with those they like.

However, do you know their communication and learning styles? What is their VAK (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) preference? For example, if Susan is more visually oriented, when you go to meetings, she is going to want to see charts, graphs, pictures, and the material in front of her at which to look. If you spout off statistics and other data, without something for her to see, most likely her head will be spinning. (I know, as I pull towards visual.)

Additionally, this also affects how you should phrase your words. Since Susan likes to see things, demonstrating your comprehension of what she’s just said as “I hear you,” will leave her feeling uneasy. Yeas, that means the same thing as “I see what you mean,” but neurologically speaking, she doesn’t process the information the same. Susan might feel as though she as to continue to explain her point. This will result in everyone being frustrated.

Avoid this confusion by figuring out in which spectrum your customers fall. Then, make sure to keep this in mind when conversing with them, either in person, or by email. I like to have a reference file on each person with whom I work (especially if I don’t know them as well), which describes each person and their preferences. This way I tailor my communication styles and develop better rapport overall.

(Pic from www.qfdi.org)

Recently, there has been an onslaught of blog posts covering the importance of rapport, but not so many defining what it’s not. The term seems so hypnotic that anyone can use it and automatically define themselves as a person entering relationships with integrity. You and I both know this isn’t true.

What does it mean to have rapport with someone? Does it mean that you develop a relationship based on falsehoods? If someone never realizes that you’ve conned them into believing this façade, is that rapport?

Whether in business or daily lives, we are confronted by fake individuals. You know the kind; they pose as one thing when they really are another. The motive is not so much a concern for this argument, but the results can be detrimental. This is especially true when it’s an individual in your industry or circle, because, ultimately, you are associated with this person, either by profession or acquaintances. (How many PR professionals out there have been branded spin doctors, when their whole practice has been honest and value-driven? HINT: If you’re in PR, raise your hand.)

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this situation recently with someone claiming to be a seasoned professional, but yet having no background or training, save the few books and blogs he’s read. In the relationships in which he engages, he speaks of his “lengthy” experience, deceiving the targeted clients. Later, in other circles, he claims to have “solid rapport” with these poor victims. How is that rapport?
It’s not!

If you’re coming to the conversation with, not just an ace, but a deck in the hole, you’re not only cheating those misguided souls who trust you. You’re cheating yourself.

In NLP, we discuss opening honest and reciprocal lines of communication to yield rapport. Basing the conversation on falsehoods only jeopardizes your legitimacy in the long run and can be very damaging, financially and mentally, for those subjected to this kind of abuse. When seeking to build relationships with others, start from a place of honesty and commitment to values. The moment a client realizes the lie, you’re entire investment will be destroyed.