Everyone is leary of another kind of person or profession. All lawyers are scummy and untrustworthy. All devout and pious individuals will try to “save your soul.” All reporters only look out for number one and when the story is done so is their interest in you.

Usually this opinion you hold is based on one specific event that affected you. Then, the  next time a similar situation occurs, your feelings are augmented 10 fold, only fortifying your conviction. This makes sense. But it’s also dangerously limiting, because we often become so blinded by our belief that we fail to see the actuality of a situation.

I know. As someone in PR who’s a blond female and a jock, well I’ve got my work cut out for me, don’t I? More or less, I’m an airhead spin-doctor. Haha. Or at least that’s what someone might think without knowing me or my track record and realizing that I’m often too honest and smart for my own good.

In NLP, we use time line therapy to break down barriers of the past and allow for personal growth.

Take a look at your own stereotypes about a certain kind of person or profession. Are these helping you in anyway or are they limiting how you can connect on a deeper level with a potential client or business partner or friend? Could you take down your animosity for one second to re-evaluate that person? What benefits could you both see from doing so?

(Image source: www.21countries.com)

I’m not sure what it is, but often times when I meet a new person, whether for business or personal, the other party often tends to get carried away in a massive devulge of personal information. Perhaps it’s because they feel comfortable with me? Maybe it’s that sign on my forehead that says, “Please, tell me your life story in the next 10 minutes.” I don’t know.

But I, like other people out there being talked at, find this somewhat frustrating because when I leave the conversation, I’m left wondering what exactly I added and what  I got out of it. As I don’t run my mouth endlessly, I find comfort in listening to others. Really, I do! I find it interesting and insightful…most of the time. It’s when I’m unable to respond or feel that judo kicking the other person  to get a second to interject that I feel as though the conversation takes on more of a work attitude rather than a fun conversation. (And mind you, I like all my conversations, work or personal, to be fun.)

I don’t know about you, but I get tired. Literally. I feel my eyes start to droop, my mind starts spinning to whether or not I should get my dog fixed instead of what I really want to be doing, which is listening. But after an hour (or four, I’m just saying) of someone blabbering away, without pause,  (you wouldn’t believe how often this happens to me and I’m too nice to walk away or hang up…although it does cross my mind), I feel like just a pile of mush. And THEN, when they call or want to meet again, I’m disinclined. Wouldn’t you feel the same way?

This recent onslaught of OVER TALKERS with which I’m faced  regularly left me wondering how business professionals can really create beneficial relationships if they aren’t connecting. I recently introduced two people, who I thought would have a nice working relationship. However, one came back to me and said, “Jaylyn, I can’t work with him! I really appreciate your help, but it’s not going to work.” When I asked why, I learned that the other individual spent three hours talking to the other person, without even so much as a question about my good friend! I was appalled and embarrased that I’d even suggested the pairing.

Take a second and look at how you converse with others. Are you hogging the conversation? When you walk away, can you name three things the other person said? If not, it might be time to talk less and listen more. You wouldn’t believe how people will open up to you when they know you’re listening!

Some with whom you speak will say no. They say, once it goes viral, measuring goes out the window. See, this is a problem for me.

I can’t go to the board of a multimillion dollar company and tell them that, “Yes, we’re seeing great success with our campaign. Umm….We just don’t know how much.” Are you kidding? Ha! As a professional in the business, you’ve just committed integrity suicide. You might as well leave the room at that point and keep on walking.

Numbers matter. Evidential support of your efforts matters. Progress matters.

I do agree, on a certain level, that it’s difficult to determine every single person who’s heard your message. A book club leader may share the information with her group, but no one acts on it. And until they do, that information might as well not exist. However, you can measure the action your message inspires.

Here are a few ways, though seemingly simple, can help determine if your social media efforts are worth their weight:

• Twitter — How many additional followers do you receive every month? How many messages and mentions?
• Social platforms like LinkedIn and Facebook — Again, how many people comment on your page? How many friends do you have? Has that number changed in the last month?
• Blog — How many people are following you? How many comments are there? Do people email you with questions, concerns, proposals? What is the communication?
• Website — How many people came to your website each month? How long did they stay? How deep into the pages did they get? Did they sign up for any of the free information you offer? Did you capture their contact information?

There are a lot of programs you can use to capture this information. Sometimes, all it requires is sitting down and tallying the numbers. Other times, I like using Google Analytics, because it’s fast and easy. But whatever you end up chosing, I guarantee, your boss or clients will be happier when you can show them where their money is going and what progress you’re having.

(Image source: www.jmorganmarketing.com)

Found this book by Davide Seaman today at Barnes and Noble and pretty much read through the whole thing in a sitting. For those of you looking to augment your brand’s identity or just learn a few tricks about what to do while doing a radio interview, this is a great book. The format is simple and straightforward and loaded with tips only known to PR insiders. Get people talking about your company!

The other day, a friend of mine mentioned how interesting it is that public relations is finding its way into the social media scene. His comment was that, lately, he’s seen a lot of blogging on the marriage of the two concepts. Though seemingly becoming increasingly more popular, as the numerous budding blogs will attest, there is one truth that many seem to be overlooking: PR is the heart of social media.

Perhaps this is obvious to me, considering my experience in the field, but to others it may not seem so blatant. So, let’s break it down a bit. Here are just a few of the truths about social media that also extend to PR:

• The desire to develop and increase awareness about a company, brand, topic, idea, or person
• The willingness to reach out to others, friends, family, or potential and current clients and customers
• The ability to develop and maintain relationships that serve a mutually beneficial purpose
• The careful construction of messages that elicit response and action
• The drive to foster conversation and discussion
• The attempt to learn more about customer needs and desires.

In all elements, PR is the offline tool that drives the same goals as social media does online. It’s only natural that the two become a solid union on the internet, because they are one of the same. With each post, message, blog, advertisement, group, this medium of communication (social media) reminds us of the one truth at the heart of public relations: the people…the public.

(Image source: Bigdayplunge.com)

Yes, it seems unlikely, when you look at this sweet face, but trust me, my gigantic puppy is a monster in his own right. Trying to communicate with him is one of the most difficult and seemingly futile tasks that I encounter on a daily basis. After bringing Bodhi home, we learned that Swissys (short for Swiss Mountain Dogs) are a difficult to train, especially for first-time dog owners, because the breed tends to a mind of its own. Having grown up with dogs, this isn’t as much of problem for me, as it is for my boyfriend, however, who continues to struggle with this daily (he’s not a dog person).

Watching the two is quite comical, and a good lesson, because Chad talks to the monster as though he’s a friend: a rational human being, who relays information in a similar manner, style, and language. Yet, if you’ve ever tried to have a logical, rational conversation with an animal, in your language, you know it’s a lost cause. Basically, you’re coming from two different worlds with two different communication styles and models.

Though I don’t look at my customers in comparison to dogs or animals in any way, watching the two different species trying to communicate in my living room did raise some good points about how we communicate with others. Maybe it’s not always as trying as bridging the lines between man and monster, but there are moments when it seems like the message is just not getting through to the other person. The following are a few points of PR Zen brought to you by my recent experiences with the Bodhi monster, who, by the way, is currently eating my research notes:

• Observe before you can understand – Some of the best dog trainers in the world, before developing their specific techniques, spent an inordinate amount of time studying how the animals communicate with each other. Similarly, taking the time to observe your audience and discover the fine intricacies of their idiosyncratic styles can lay the foundation for open lines of communication. Without them, well, it’s like arguing with Bodhi in our language—a lot of screaming and hollering only to have him continue on as though we’d never said anything.

• Approach with a kind heart and a willingness to learn – Somehow, some way, animals can sense your moods and demeanor. Fear, anger, sadness. It all gets through. Without this openness, you’ll be more closed off to really understanding the other party.

• Position your message from a place of their understanding, not yours – Chad has trouble with Bodes because he tries to talk to him from a place of Chad’s understanding. Once our trainer came in and instructed us about how a dog processes information, we could see how by just doing something so slight as changing our postures resulted in a dramatic change in how Bodhi responds. When you attempt to forge a conversation based on the other person’s perimeters, you’ll discover an amazing thing…real conversation. Real responses. Real results.

• Understand that persistence and patience are not only valuable, they are key – It took a long time to get the monster to leave a treat on the floor without eating it. But we were persistent and patient…well, most of the time. Now, he will leave it 75 percent of the time (hey, we’re still working on it).

In NLP, eye patterns help us to determine how a person processes information, i.e., auditorially, visually, or kinesthetically. How one responds to questions is a sure give away to their dominate style. In this video, watch as the subject reveals her communication preferences.

I often stress with clients the importance of learning how to read others’ eye patterns to build better rapport. This is a great technique for understanding how you can phrase your wording and present your material to achieve the best results possible.

What do Aesop, Shakespeare, and Dr. Seuss have in common? Yes, of course, they’re writers. What’s beyond that?

In short, they command attention. Now, you may pull the covers up a little higher after the second line of iambic pentameter. Of course, this is understandable, because Shakespeare’s not for everyone. But eternal glorification and permanence in our canon obviously means he did something right. He, along with his previously mentioned colleagues, pulls us in with mesmerizing words, characters, and plots that harness minds.

Why do you care?

This should matter to you because the techniques of the sages are what you can use to etch your place in your industry. The use of storytelling has been an inherent element in every culture, not only to entertain, but to teach and retain autonomy and character of the people. Take a lesson from history.
Whether on your website and brochure, or interviews and articles, you can capture your audience’s attention with a story carefully designed to impart the chosen information. Look at your marketing and PR material at little more closely today. Where is the story in your information? What is unique about you, your product, or services? What will people remember?

Do you really know your customers? Really?

Sure, you may know that Tom Brime goes golfing whenever it’s 70 degrees and sunny. Susan Peters prefers vegan food, although she will drink milk, occasionally, with chocolate cake. When TNT runs a Bond marathon, you know that if you want to find Mike Wheeling, he’ll be on his couch with the phone turned off.

Yes, these details say a lot about your clients’ personalities and preferences. Any good salesperson would be sure to remember these idiosyncrasies, as personal relationships have always, are, and always will be the basis for closing a sale and retaining customers. It’s been said millions of times: People do business with those they like.

However, do you know their communication and learning styles? What is their VAK (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) preference? For example, if Susan is more visually oriented, when you go to meetings, she is going to want to see charts, graphs, pictures, and the material in front of her at which to look. If you spout off statistics and other data, without something for her to see, most likely her head will be spinning. (I know, as I pull towards visual.)

Additionally, this also affects how you should phrase your words. Since Susan likes to see things, demonstrating your comprehension of what she’s just said as “I hear you,” will leave her feeling uneasy. Yeas, that means the same thing as “I see what you mean,” but neurologically speaking, she doesn’t process the information the same. Susan might feel as though she as to continue to explain her point. This will result in everyone being frustrated.

Avoid this confusion by figuring out in which spectrum your customers fall. Then, make sure to keep this in mind when conversing with them, either in person, or by email. I like to have a reference file on each person with whom I work (especially if I don’t know them as well), which describes each person and their preferences. This way I tailor my communication styles and develop better rapport overall.

(Pic from www.qfdi.org)

Recently, there has been an onslaught of blog posts covering the importance of rapport, but not so many defining what it’s not. The term seems so hypnotic that anyone can use it and automatically define themselves as a person entering relationships with integrity. You and I both know this isn’t true.

What does it mean to have rapport with someone? Does it mean that you develop a relationship based on falsehoods? If someone never realizes that you’ve conned them into believing this façade, is that rapport?

Whether in business or daily lives, we are confronted by fake individuals. You know the kind; they pose as one thing when they really are another. The motive is not so much a concern for this argument, but the results can be detrimental. This is especially true when it’s an individual in your industry or circle, because, ultimately, you are associated with this person, either by profession or acquaintances. (How many PR professionals out there have been branded spin doctors, when their whole practice has been honest and value-driven? HINT: If you’re in PR, raise your hand.)

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this situation recently with someone claiming to be a seasoned professional, but yet having no background or training, save the few books and blogs he’s read. In the relationships in which he engages, he speaks of his “lengthy” experience, deceiving the targeted clients. Later, in other circles, he claims to have “solid rapport” with these poor victims. How is that rapport?
It’s not!

If you’re coming to the conversation with, not just an ace, but a deck in the hole, you’re not only cheating those misguided souls who trust you. You’re cheating yourself.

In NLP, we discuss opening honest and reciprocal lines of communication to yield rapport. Basing the conversation on falsehoods only jeopardizes your legitimacy in the long run and can be very damaging, financially and mentally, for those subjected to this kind of abuse. When seeking to build relationships with others, start from a place of honesty and commitment to values. The moment a client realizes the lie, you’re entire investment will be destroyed.