Everyone is leary of another kind of person or profession. All lawyers are scummy and untrustworthy. All devout and pious individuals will try to “save your soul.” All reporters only look out for number one and when the story is done so is their interest in you.

Usually this opinion you hold is based on one specific event that affected you. Then, the  next time a similar situation occurs, your feelings are augmented 10 fold, only fortifying your conviction. This makes sense. But it’s also dangerously limiting, because we often become so blinded by our belief that we fail to see the actuality of a situation.

I know. As someone in PR who’s a blond female and a jock, well I’ve got my work cut out for me, don’t I? More or less, I’m an airhead spin-doctor. Haha. Or at least that’s what someone might think without knowing me or my track record and realizing that I’m often too honest and smart for my own good.

In NLP, we use time line therapy to break down barriers of the past and allow for personal growth.

Take a look at your own stereotypes about a certain kind of person or profession. Are these helping you in anyway or are they limiting how you can connect on a deeper level with a potential client or business partner or friend? Could you take down your animosity for one second to re-evaluate that person? What benefits could you both see from doing so?

(Image source: www.21countries.com)

I’m not sure what it is, but often times when I meet a new person, whether for business or personal, the other party often tends to get carried away in a massive devulge of personal information. Perhaps it’s because they feel comfortable with me? Maybe it’s that sign on my forehead that says, “Please, tell me your life story in the next 10 minutes.” I don’t know.

But I, like other people out there being talked at, find this somewhat frustrating because when I leave the conversation, I’m left wondering what exactly I added and what  I got out of it. As I don’t run my mouth endlessly, I find comfort in listening to others. Really, I do! I find it interesting and insightful…most of the time. It’s when I’m unable to respond or feel that judo kicking the other person  to get a second to interject that I feel as though the conversation takes on more of a work attitude rather than a fun conversation. (And mind you, I like all my conversations, work or personal, to be fun.)

I don’t know about you, but I get tired. Literally. I feel my eyes start to droop, my mind starts spinning to whether or not I should get my dog fixed instead of what I really want to be doing, which is listening. But after an hour (or four, I’m just saying) of someone blabbering away, without pause,  (you wouldn’t believe how often this happens to me and I’m too nice to walk away or hang up…although it does cross my mind), I feel like just a pile of mush. And THEN, when they call or want to meet again, I’m disinclined. Wouldn’t you feel the same way?

This recent onslaught of OVER TALKERS with which I’m faced  regularly left me wondering how business professionals can really create beneficial relationships if they aren’t connecting. I recently introduced two people, who I thought would have a nice working relationship. However, one came back to me and said, “Jaylyn, I can’t work with him! I really appreciate your help, but it’s not going to work.” When I asked why, I learned that the other individual spent three hours talking to the other person, without even so much as a question about my good friend! I was appalled and embarrased that I’d even suggested the pairing.

Take a second and look at how you converse with others. Are you hogging the conversation? When you walk away, can you name three things the other person said? If not, it might be time to talk less and listen more. You wouldn’t believe how people will open up to you when they know you’re listening!

Tonight, I’m attending a posh, invite-only networking event and have to say…normally, I wouldn’t look forward to it. Though I’m outgoing and naturally a conversational person, I find it terribly awkward to be shoved into a room with other individuals, unsure about what to talk. That’s like an uncomfortable first date without a movie or dinner to add some sort of distraction. You’re just…standing there…looking at the other person, hoping they’re as interesting as you hope you are.

Ok, to be honest, when I started this post, I really wasn’t even looking forward to it. But then I remembered something. It’s all about your attitude.

Now, some of us may find it hard to downshift from anxious to calm in one swift move; that’s like going from fourth to first. Truly, though, it can be difficult to try and talk yourself confident—repeating affirmation after affirmation, feeling like SNL’s Richard Smally, not quite believing it but not wanting to give up. I have nothing against visualization and affirmation techniques, quite the contrary. However, for instantaneous transformations, they don’t always work.

What does is repositioning your physiology—your body language.

Take a second and try this.

Stand up and walk around the room, head down, shoulders slouched, staring at the floor. While you’re doing this, imagine thinking about a ballplayer, who just struck out in the world series and now the game is over. How do you feel? Besides silly for trying it, you most likely felt a sensation of sadness, slight depression, or frustration.

Now, take a deep breath and throw your shoulders back, lift your head, smile, and think of yourself entering a castle, where upon your entrance everyone bows or cheers. What’s the difference? Ninety-nine percent of responses will reveal feeling confident, powerful, happy, limitless, and so on.

Just by shifting your shoulders and head and imaging a person whom you want to emulate can make all the difference in how we see the world. AND how others see us! Which perspective will you chose to have today?

(Image source: www.dantudor.com)

Yes, it seems unlikely, when you look at this sweet face, but trust me, my gigantic puppy is a monster in his own right. Trying to communicate with him is one of the most difficult and seemingly futile tasks that I encounter on a daily basis. After bringing Bodhi home, we learned that Swissys (short for Swiss Mountain Dogs) are a difficult to train, especially for first-time dog owners, because the breed tends to a mind of its own. Having grown up with dogs, this isn’t as much of problem for me, as it is for my boyfriend, however, who continues to struggle with this daily (he’s not a dog person).

Watching the two is quite comical, and a good lesson, because Chad talks to the monster as though he’s a friend: a rational human being, who relays information in a similar manner, style, and language. Yet, if you’ve ever tried to have a logical, rational conversation with an animal, in your language, you know it’s a lost cause. Basically, you’re coming from two different worlds with two different communication styles and models.

Though I don’t look at my customers in comparison to dogs or animals in any way, watching the two different species trying to communicate in my living room did raise some good points about how we communicate with others. Maybe it’s not always as trying as bridging the lines between man and monster, but there are moments when it seems like the message is just not getting through to the other person. The following are a few points of PR Zen brought to you by my recent experiences with the Bodhi monster, who, by the way, is currently eating my research notes:

• Observe before you can understand – Some of the best dog trainers in the world, before developing their specific techniques, spent an inordinate amount of time studying how the animals communicate with each other. Similarly, taking the time to observe your audience and discover the fine intricacies of their idiosyncratic styles can lay the foundation for open lines of communication. Without them, well, it’s like arguing with Bodhi in our language—a lot of screaming and hollering only to have him continue on as though we’d never said anything.

• Approach with a kind heart and a willingness to learn – Somehow, some way, animals can sense your moods and demeanor. Fear, anger, sadness. It all gets through. Without this openness, you’ll be more closed off to really understanding the other party.

• Position your message from a place of their understanding, not yours – Chad has trouble with Bodes because he tries to talk to him from a place of Chad’s understanding. Once our trainer came in and instructed us about how a dog processes information, we could see how by just doing something so slight as changing our postures resulted in a dramatic change in how Bodhi responds. When you attempt to forge a conversation based on the other person’s perimeters, you’ll discover an amazing thing…real conversation. Real responses. Real results.

• Understand that persistence and patience are not only valuable, they are key – It took a long time to get the monster to leave a treat on the floor without eating it. But we were persistent and patient…well, most of the time. Now, he will leave it 75 percent of the time (hey, we’re still working on it).

In NLP, eye patterns help us to determine how a person processes information, i.e., auditorially, visually, or kinesthetically. How one responds to questions is a sure give away to their dominate style. In this video, watch as the subject reveals her communication preferences.

I often stress with clients the importance of learning how to read others’ eye patterns to build better rapport. This is a great technique for understanding how you can phrase your wording and present your material to achieve the best results possible.

Do you really know your customers? Really?

Sure, you may know that Tom Brime goes golfing whenever it’s 70 degrees and sunny. Susan Peters prefers vegan food, although she will drink milk, occasionally, with chocolate cake. When TNT runs a Bond marathon, you know that if you want to find Mike Wheeling, he’ll be on his couch with the phone turned off.

Yes, these details say a lot about your clients’ personalities and preferences. Any good salesperson would be sure to remember these idiosyncrasies, as personal relationships have always, are, and always will be the basis for closing a sale and retaining customers. It’s been said millions of times: People do business with those they like.

However, do you know their communication and learning styles? What is their VAK (visual, auditory, kinesthetic) preference? For example, if Susan is more visually oriented, when you go to meetings, she is going to want to see charts, graphs, pictures, and the material in front of her at which to look. If you spout off statistics and other data, without something for her to see, most likely her head will be spinning. (I know, as I pull towards visual.)

Additionally, this also affects how you should phrase your words. Since Susan likes to see things, demonstrating your comprehension of what she’s just said as “I hear you,” will leave her feeling uneasy. Yeas, that means the same thing as “I see what you mean,” but neurologically speaking, she doesn’t process the information the same. Susan might feel as though she as to continue to explain her point. This will result in everyone being frustrated.

Avoid this confusion by figuring out in which spectrum your customers fall. Then, make sure to keep this in mind when conversing with them, either in person, or by email. I like to have a reference file on each person with whom I work (especially if I don’t know them as well), which describes each person and their preferences. This way I tailor my communication styles and develop better rapport overall.

(Pic from www.qfdi.org)

Recently, there has been an onslaught of blog posts covering the importance of rapport, but not so many defining what it’s not. The term seems so hypnotic that anyone can use it and automatically define themselves as a person entering relationships with integrity. You and I both know this isn’t true.

What does it mean to have rapport with someone? Does it mean that you develop a relationship based on falsehoods? If someone never realizes that you’ve conned them into believing this façade, is that rapport?

Whether in business or daily lives, we are confronted by fake individuals. You know the kind; they pose as one thing when they really are another. The motive is not so much a concern for this argument, but the results can be detrimental. This is especially true when it’s an individual in your industry or circle, because, ultimately, you are associated with this person, either by profession or acquaintances. (How many PR professionals out there have been branded spin doctors, when their whole practice has been honest and value-driven? HINT: If you’re in PR, raise your hand.)

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this situation recently with someone claiming to be a seasoned professional, but yet having no background or training, save the few books and blogs he’s read. In the relationships in which he engages, he speaks of his “lengthy” experience, deceiving the targeted clients. Later, in other circles, he claims to have “solid rapport” with these poor victims. How is that rapport?
It’s not!

If you’re coming to the conversation with, not just an ace, but a deck in the hole, you’re not only cheating those misguided souls who trust you. You’re cheating yourself.

In NLP, we discuss opening honest and reciprocal lines of communication to yield rapport. Basing the conversation on falsehoods only jeopardizes your legitimacy in the long run and can be very damaging, financially and mentally, for those subjected to this kind of abuse. When seeking to build relationships with others, start from a place of honesty and commitment to values. The moment a client realizes the lie, you’re entire investment will be destroyed.

You may have great products and great employees, but if your customer service leaves people less than thrilled to be doing business with you, ultimately your brand will suffer. Consumers have to trust your company to be loyal, but first, they have to feel appreciated and valued. Without this, they’ll be willing to switch to any other company who offers comparable goods and services—one that goes out of its way for each and every person.

Sound like a lot? Maybe not so much if you’re a little guy, but when you’re dealing with thousands of individuals every day, it tends to add up. For this purpose, you need to have systems in place that dictate how you will take proactive stances to ensuring your customers keep coming back time and time again. These are set methodologies you’ll use to show each and every person how you appreciate their business.

Here are three ideas to get you started:
• Pre-sale – Maybe you’ve only spoken with Bob, either in person or on the phone. Now is a great time to show them how you’ll go the extra mile. Send Bob something, nonthreatening, that you know will be of interest. If he randomly mentioned just buying a rare Swiss Mountain Dog and how there is minimal information about training that breed, find an article of relevance and send it to him! Every time Bob thinks of his training his puppy, which will be all the time with the indoor bathroom adventures, he’ll remember your kind gesture!

• During the work – My general rule is go above and beyond, in any way possible. Say a client wants to have a PR campaign, I’ll quote them a week, and then, if my schedule permits, turn around the work in only three days. The first thing I always here is, “Wow, you didn’t need to get it to me that quickly, but I really appreciate it!” While they may not think you have a life, they will know you take their patronage seriously!

• Post sale – What are you doing to re-ensure your customer that his or her purchase was a valuable decision? This is a critical time to remind her of your unique market niche and why Susan should feel good about her choice. Doing so will position you in her mind for the next time she requires similar services. I like to send my clients a gift card to a store I know they’ll like, such as Starbucks, a thank you card for their services, and a coupon for their next round. Not only will they save money by returning to you, they’ll be happy because of that Venti Mocha Frapp! Everyone wins!

(Image modified from go.pressconnect.com.au)

As someone who places great emphasis on developing quality, long-term relationships with my clients and network contacts, I recently have faced the hard-nosed question of where to draw the line. These past few months, the majority of my clients have failed to pay me, bounced checks, made promises, and seemingly ignored invoices, yet all with an apologetic, sometimes melancholy, response. Then, when I do receive payment, they come with low eyes, a monotone voice, and a frustrated look, gripping the check with white knuckles. This leaves me feeling guilty that I’m asking for compensation for the services I provided. (What, Jaylyn?!?)

Yeah, after collecting a two-month old payment yesterday, I spent the following three hours feeling as though I’d done something wrong. Did I not go the extra mile for this person? Didn’t I allow him to spread out the payments, only to have them bounce in my account, and charging me for the fee? Didn’t I do work and cut my prices? What else could I have done?

My goal is to support my customers as much as possible to 1. Keep a working relationship, and 2. Maintain the established friendship. But is this possible when difficult situations regarding money come into play? How much are you to sacrifice your well being for that of your clients?

During a speech I gave this past weekend on PR secrets and techniques, we touched on the importance of business owners’ participation in the social media stratosphere. As we were discussing the issues with which many people are faced, one attendee brought up a different problem related to this subject. It wasn’t her ignorance or fear about using these platforms, but her inability to step away! More often than not, when she sits down in the morning to log on, hours fly by, and her husband has to send a search party to go in looking for her. The more people I talk to, I learn that many have this issue. There are endless blogs and tips on how to use these sites effectively, yet I’ve not run across too many articles concerning how to walk away in a timely manner. Thus, I thought of the following tips to help pathological users find freedom and a new world beyond their computer. Notice that I’ve kept the tips to a minimum for a reason!

1. Define Your Objective – Before jumping onto Facebook, determine what it is you wish to accomplish. Are you logging on for personal reasons or business? Do you intend simply to respond to your messages and send a few off to your friends or will you also respond or begin a thread on a specific topic? Knowing what you want makes it easy to remove your hand from the mouse once you’ve completed the task.

2. Establish a Schedule – Allotting an amount of time every day, at a specific time, will help you control how much time you spend Twittering. If you are like me and running in 20 different directions at the same time, it’s hard to get anything done without living by a daily planner. Make this tool work for you by picking some free time (what’s that? Haha) and setting half an hour to an hour aside for social media

3. Manage All Your Sites from One Platform – Scan my blog for my article on Flock, but I’ve been using this for a couple weeks now, and it saves me so much time and energy. I love (!) having everything right in front of me all at the same time

4. Set a Timer – Go to the dollar store and pick the loudest most obnoxious timer there, bring it home, and set it for the time you’ve decided in #2. It’s easy to say “Oh, I’ll just stay on for twenty minutes.” But more often than not, twenty minutes turns into thirty then an hour, and then two. The timer will remind you when to remove yourself from MySpace and serve as your source which to direct your resentment…I’m sure all loved ones will be happy to relieve themselves of this role! J (Thanks to Shelby, who suggested this one)

5. Write Down Your Plan and Stick with It – Nothing works better to ensure we follow through with a desired task or goal than to write it down. I have mine on a large Post-It in the back of my daily planner, again the keeper of my life, so I don’t lose it, and I see it every day.

Now, I understand this may be painful at first, but think of all the benefits that will come from it! Your family will revel in all this free time you have, the house won’t look like a tornado stopped by, and your skin will rejoice from being a ghostly white to slightly beige color once you reconnect with the sun. Try this for a month and see how it goes. I think you’ll be pleasantly surprised at how much you accomplish without spending days in the social media black hole!

(Image source: samerowdycrowd.wordpress.com)