I’m not sure what it is, but often times when I meet a new person, whether for business or personal, the other party often tends to get carried away in a massive devulge of personal information. Perhaps it’s because they feel comfortable with me? Maybe it’s that sign on my forehead that says, “Please, tell me your life story in the next 10 minutes.” I don’t know.

But I, like other people out there being talked at, find this somewhat frustrating because when I leave the conversation, I’m left wondering what exactly I added and what  I got out of it. As I don’t run my mouth endlessly, I find comfort in listening to others. Really, I do! I find it interesting and insightful…most of the time. It’s when I’m unable to respond or feel that judo kicking the other person  to get a second to interject that I feel as though the conversation takes on more of a work attitude rather than a fun conversation. (And mind you, I like all my conversations, work or personal, to be fun.)

I don’t know about you, but I get tired. Literally. I feel my eyes start to droop, my mind starts spinning to whether or not I should get my dog fixed instead of what I really want to be doing, which is listening. But after an hour (or four, I’m just saying) of someone blabbering away, without pause,  (you wouldn’t believe how often this happens to me and I’m too nice to walk away or hang up…although it does cross my mind), I feel like just a pile of mush. And THEN, when they call or want to meet again, I’m disinclined. Wouldn’t you feel the same way?

This recent onslaught of OVER TALKERS with which I’m faced  regularly left me wondering how business professionals can really create beneficial relationships if they aren’t connecting. I recently introduced two people, who I thought would have a nice working relationship. However, one came back to me and said, “Jaylyn, I can’t work with him! I really appreciate your help, but it’s not going to work.” When I asked why, I learned that the other individual spent three hours talking to the other person, without even so much as a question about my good friend! I was appalled and embarrased that I’d even suggested the pairing.

Take a second and look at how you converse with others. Are you hogging the conversation? When you walk away, can you name three things the other person said? If not, it might be time to talk less and listen more. You wouldn’t believe how people will open up to you when they know you’re listening!

In NLP, eye patterns help us to determine how a person processes information, i.e., auditorially, visually, or kinesthetically. How one responds to questions is a sure give away to their dominate style. In this video, watch as the subject reveals her communication preferences.

I often stress with clients the importance of learning how to read others’ eye patterns to build better rapport. This is a great technique for understanding how you can phrase your wording and present your material to achieve the best results possible.

Recently, there has been an onslaught of blog posts covering the importance of rapport, but not so many defining what it’s not. The term seems so hypnotic that anyone can use it and automatically define themselves as a person entering relationships with integrity. You and I both know this isn’t true.

What does it mean to have rapport with someone? Does it mean that you develop a relationship based on falsehoods? If someone never realizes that you’ve conned them into believing this façade, is that rapport?

Whether in business or daily lives, we are confronted by fake individuals. You know the kind; they pose as one thing when they really are another. The motive is not so much a concern for this argument, but the results can be detrimental. This is especially true when it’s an individual in your industry or circle, because, ultimately, you are associated with this person, either by profession or acquaintances. (How many PR professionals out there have been branded spin doctors, when their whole practice has been honest and value-driven? HINT: If you’re in PR, raise your hand.)

Unfortunately, I’ve experienced this situation recently with someone claiming to be a seasoned professional, but yet having no background or training, save the few books and blogs he’s read. In the relationships in which he engages, he speaks of his “lengthy” experience, deceiving the targeted clients. Later, in other circles, he claims to have “solid rapport” with these poor victims. How is that rapport?
It’s not!

If you’re coming to the conversation with, not just an ace, but a deck in the hole, you’re not only cheating those misguided souls who trust you. You’re cheating yourself.

In NLP, we discuss opening honest and reciprocal lines of communication to yield rapport. Basing the conversation on falsehoods only jeopardizes your legitimacy in the long run and can be very damaging, financially and mentally, for those subjected to this kind of abuse. When seeking to build relationships with others, start from a place of honesty and commitment to values. The moment a client realizes the lie, you’re entire investment will be destroyed.

You may have great products and great employees, but if your customer service leaves people less than thrilled to be doing business with you, ultimately your brand will suffer. Consumers have to trust your company to be loyal, but first, they have to feel appreciated and valued. Without this, they’ll be willing to switch to any other company who offers comparable goods and services—one that goes out of its way for each and every person.

Sound like a lot? Maybe not so much if you’re a little guy, but when you’re dealing with thousands of individuals every day, it tends to add up. For this purpose, you need to have systems in place that dictate how you will take proactive stances to ensuring your customers keep coming back time and time again. These are set methodologies you’ll use to show each and every person how you appreciate their business.

Here are three ideas to get you started:
• Pre-sale – Maybe you’ve only spoken with Bob, either in person or on the phone. Now is a great time to show them how you’ll go the extra mile. Send Bob something, nonthreatening, that you know will be of interest. If he randomly mentioned just buying a rare Swiss Mountain Dog and how there is minimal information about training that breed, find an article of relevance and send it to him! Every time Bob thinks of his training his puppy, which will be all the time with the indoor bathroom adventures, he’ll remember your kind gesture!

• During the work – My general rule is go above and beyond, in any way possible. Say a client wants to have a PR campaign, I’ll quote them a week, and then, if my schedule permits, turn around the work in only three days. The first thing I always here is, “Wow, you didn’t need to get it to me that quickly, but I really appreciate it!” While they may not think you have a life, they will know you take their patronage seriously!

• Post sale – What are you doing to re-ensure your customer that his or her purchase was a valuable decision? This is a critical time to remind her of your unique market niche and why Susan should feel good about her choice. Doing so will position you in her mind for the next time she requires similar services. I like to send my clients a gift card to a store I know they’ll like, such as Starbucks, a thank you card for their services, and a coupon for their next round. Not only will they save money by returning to you, they’ll be happy because of that Venti Mocha Frapp! Everyone wins!

(Image modified from go.pressconnect.com.au)